Next time you think you are standing on the edge…and have some fear of jumping over…keep this guy, and the woman who filmed him, in mind!

Posted on June 6, 2010
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Guillaume Nery free falling

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This is an awesome win-win business building tool

Posted on April 28, 2010
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Check out Mary Cantando, www.womenbusinessowners.com,  and one of her projects, www.WomansAdvantage.biz/calendar

I was quoted today, and my quote a.ppeared on the home page of womenentrepeneur.com, so I get my message out and mary builds her impressive list!

Plus it’s evergreen, she can republish every year, adding new women and list building partners to her network.

Here’s my advice that appears in the calendar

“The success formula isn’t Do (work), Have (money, success), Be (happy, secure). It’s Be-Do-Have.”
- Rory Cohen / Entelekey, Inc./Take 10

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What, me, worry? 3 tips to stop worrying now.

Posted on April 15, 2010
Filed Under joy list, self-care, stress | View Comments

Was just yesterday doing research on the fight or flight response, and finding really interesting things about how men and women respond to stress, fear and worry.  Did you know that there doesn’t seem to be a word that is the opposite of ‘worry’? try looking it up.

The human brain is designed to scan our environment for threats.  It’s been said that virtually all of our thoughts are not original, but are in fact responses to stimulii…so we hear, read or see something and automatically go back through our brain databanks to recall all of the times in the past when a similar situation might have been something that hurt us.
We essentially project our past into our future, and usually with a flavor of “uh, oh, now what’s going to happen bad”.

Worry I would put into the category of F.E.A.R, future expectations appearing real.  We take the stimulus, scan the past, find the bad thing that happened, and then project that into the future as if it already was happening again.  Worry.
Of course that mechanism of ours is helpful.  If you’ve ever known someone that couldn’t learn from their mistakes (my 19 year old son, for example :) ) you’d agree that being cautious is a good thing.  But chronic worry over things that haven’t yet happened (have heard it referred to as praying for something you DON”T want to happen), robs us of our strength, energy, creativity and intuition.

Like changing any other subconscious habit of thinking, you can’t just STOP worrying, but you can instill other habits that will eventually take over.

If you find yourself obsessively worrying over something, here are some things you can do immediately to instill other, more helpful habits.

1.  Assess the true danger:  Is what you are worried about a real threat, or something that you imagine MIGHT happen and if it does MIGHT be bad.  Just asking yourself the question “Is this a real or imaged threat” can help bring awareness, awareness brings consciousness, consciousness doesn’t worry.

2.  Picture a better future:  The brain doesn’t know the difference between reality and a well-imagined fantasy, which if you are a good worrier you already know.  You can get yourself all worked up over nothing.  So put that ability to good use by picturing an outcome for what you’re worried about that’s better.  If you are worried about your finances, picture yourself with resources flowing into your life from multiple sources.  If you are worried about your kids, picture them surrounded by light and love.  Focus on these images instead of the darker ones.

3.  Take positive action.  If you’ve done 1 and 2, you’ve realized that your worry is more imagined than real.  So take some positive action toward that better future you’ve imagined.  And it helps if you make that action fun. Worried about your health? Get out that R and B CD and boogie.  Worried about your job? Try bringing bubbles to work to lighten things up.  It’s hard to worry when you’re blowing bubbles…trust me.
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Fear: the Biggest Roadblock

Posted on April 14, 2010
Filed Under General, psychology of success | View Comments

When I’m speaking to people about the implementation of their Big Ideas, we brainstorm the things that get in the way.  People always start with things like: ‘not enough time’ or ‘not focused enough’.  But sooner or later, it always comes around to fear.  Afraid of failure, afraid of success, afraid of being judged, afraid of making a mess of things like I did the last time, afraid I’m right and I’m a total loser….

So fear is a big one for all of us.  What happens to our bodies when we’re afraid?  Simply, we go into the fight-or-flight response, controlled by the hypothalmus, otherwise known as the reptilian part of the brain.

It has it’s important uses, of course, but for the Idea Implementor,  this is not the part of the brain best used for creative thought or innovation.  In fact the hormones that get released by the hypothalmus directly INHIBIT creativity and innovation.

Men and women related to fear differently.  Women tend to become nurturing and social when that FOF response is triggered.  Men tend to get aggressive.  In addition to the gender differences, there are personal differences in what your inclination is when you experience stress.

Like most of these kind of responses, they are largely subconscious.  So, since you are going to face fear as you implement your ideas, what is the best thing you can do in the moment to keep making the most powerful choices possible.

My teacher,  Mary Hulnick (www.universityofsantamonica.edu) tells this story.  She was home alone in her gated community in Southern California, no one but the cat.  It was evening after dinner in the winter, dark, cold and lonely.  She heard a noise outside and thought she saw a shadow moving at the gate.  Mary become terrified.  But being a spiritual teacher, she didn’t want to react to something that might or might not be real.  She knew she was FEELING fear, but wasn’t clear on what ACTION to take.  So she sat down and went into a deep meditation to seek the answer from within.

As she tells the story, she awoke several hours later, realizing she’d drifted off, and the feeling of fear past.

Meditation is a great reaction to the experience of fear and stress.  That doesn’t mean she might not have come out of the meditation and decided to call the police.  Meditation doesn’t negate action.  It just moved her out of the FOF part of the brain, the non-creative part, and into the part that was able to see solutions, that is intuitive and wise.

So, the best thing to do when you realize you’re afraid?  Stop, breathe, perhaps meditate…in a word…nothing.

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