Write Your Goals so they achieve themselves

Posted on December 6, 2010
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Research into New Year’s Resolutions shows that 23% of people want to devote MORE time to work or study.  I find this amazing.  Most people I work with want to devote LESS time to work.

I imagine that really what they want to do is to make more money, get more organized, get more assistance, be able to accomplish more in less time, but they think that getting there means “spending more time at work”.  I mean what do these people’s resolutions look like?  “This year I resolve to get to work earlier, stay at work later, and maybe do more work on weekends.”  I don’t think so.

In fact, setting the wrong goal is one of the biggest problems my students have.  They say “I want to lose weight” when what they really want is to feel energized, alive, vibrant or sexy.  They say “I want to make 7 figures a year” when what they really want is to feel secure, free, abundant and relaxed. Or they want to make 7 figures a year so that they can start a foundation to address world poverty, and they think they have to have the 7 figures to do that.

Strange, isn’t it, that it is really so challenging for us to know what we truly want?  I mean at the deepest level of our being.  Not what we think we should want, or what we think we should have, but what is truly driving us from the heart.

So, go back to the question we asked in the last post.  :  “If you knew this was your last year on the planet, what is one thing that you would want to have, do or experience before you go?”

As a next step, write what you came up with as a goal.

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Banish New Year’s Resolutions this year

Posted on December 4, 2010
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New Year’s Resolutions are an ingrained cultural tradition.  And research also shows that people who make New Year’s Resolutions are more likely to achieve results that people who don’t.  But the statistics on success are not encouraging.  Stephen Shapiro, author of Goal Free Living did a study with the Opinion Corporation of Princeton.  They found that although 45% of Americans usually set a resolution for the New Year, only 8% of people are always successful in achieving them.

The way we set our resolutions is partly to blame. Even term “New Year’s Resolution” has a feel to it like “Alright, this is it. This year I’m going to ……” and it’s usually something with a negative overtone like “I’m going to stop smoking” or “Stop overeating” You’re beating yourself up for things you didn’t do in the past.  Doing it this way has people going into the New Year with a load of baggage, telling themselves “I’m going to do this”, but thinking “I’m going to fail again, just like last time”

It’s great to have something where you start fresh, a New Year, Lent, Yom Kippur, Ramadan…any opportunity to take stock, wipe the slate clean… these are wonderful spiritual/psychological opportunities. And I make my living getting my clients to set stretch goals for themselves and then achieve them step by step.

But the truth is we have never learned to set goals in a way that sets us up to succeed.  We set our goals based on our unhappiness, on our flaws, on what we think we should have or want.  That’s like pushing a big rock of obligation up a hill of dissatisfaction.  Doesn’t sound like fun to me.

We’re going to do it differently this year.  And we’re going to start with this question:  “If you knew this was your last year on the planet, what is one thing that you would want to have, do or experience before you go?”

Leave your answer in the comment section!

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Nick Thought The World Was Flat

Posted on December 2, 2010
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Last week I indulged in my quest to find the best manicure possible, one that will last more than a week (you know what I mean, ladies?)

Christie’s in Manayunk got great reviews on Yelp, so I gave it a try.

As Lisa was preparing the base for my perfectly sculpted claws, Nick, the shop’s owner, and I struck up a conversation.

Nick’s story was heart stopping.

Born in Cambodia during the reign of the Khmer Rouge, Nick lived in a small farming village in the mountains. He had no education, no money, no real reason to think of the world beyond. He believed, as did all his neighbors, that the world was flat and made up almost entirely of Cambodia and its near neighbor, Thailand. He had never heard of the United States. Never seen the ocean, never considered reality shows on TV as being necessary to his survival.

By the time he was six years old he was already responsible for helping to feed the family. His father was killed by a US bomb, his mother struggling to raise her family. Nick became a grocer, finding fruits and vegetables to sell in the village market.

At some point in his young life, he was exposed to some schooling, where he learned that there was, indeed, a world beyond that village. There were things beyond farming and selling groceries that intrigued him. He began to study, he excelled. He competed in scholastic challenges, being named second in his state in terms of math and science achievement.

But something else happened. He got an idea. A Big Idea. By the age of 11, Nick decided, on his own, to leave Cambodia and make a better life. Age 11! At 11, my kids had to be reminded to brush their teeth every day. He planned to leave home and walk into Thailand, from where he thought he could get to the US. His mother found out and begged him not to go, fearing that the landmines that peppered the countryside would kill him. So Nick went to the city instead. 12 years old. On his own. He found people that would help him escape to Thailand in a boat. He crammed onto this small boat with 12 other people, including some infants, no food, no water. They set off. The boat sank. This boy who had never seen the ocean had to swim 2 miles in the open sea only to end up back in Cambodia, where he would surely have been shot on the spot had he been found.

The group, hungry, wet and cold, huddled near the jungle on the beach, trying desperately to hush the crying children. Cambodian soldiers, armed with rifles, passed within yards of where the group was hidden. The soldiers didn’t see, and they didn’t hear. They passed them by on their patrol of the beach. To this day, Nick and his comrades are overwhelmed by the miracle they experienced.

They stole another boat. Made it to Thailand. Were arrested and put into a refugee camp, but at least they had food, water and some shelter. Three years Nick lived in the camp until he was placed by an agency into a foster care family in the US. At 17, five years after first getting his Big Idea, Nick was in the US, enrolled in Cheltenham High School in my neighborhood in Pennsylvania.

I still get chills thinking about the story. About an idea, a purpose, so huge that this small child with NOTHING could make it from a village in Cambodia to Wyncote, Pennsylvania. If Nick had been older, maybe he would have been so concerned about the “how” that he would never have made it. But he just saw his future, and kept taking action after action until he arrived.

I’ve been told that one of the best ways to succeed in your life and business is to imagine that you have no choice….that your life depends upon your achieving the results you’re after. How puny my efforts appear when I’m looking into the eyes of a man for whom that was absolutely true. Nick isn’t a millionaire. He isn’t world famous. He does manicures and pedicures for a living. He has a beautiful son and a small house and plenty to eat and drink. He can walk down the street without worrying about landmines. Anything he wants to know or learn about is available to him. Seeing life through Nick’s eyes, my own ideas of what constitutes success are expanded beyond measure.

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Rory Cohen in Success Magazine

Posted on August 31, 2010
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We’re in Success Magazine this month…

Check it out here!
Rory Cohen talks with Success Magazine about her family’s ‘Open House’

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